Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
We need to feng shui this bitch.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
Randomize
