How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
This is now the friendly bartender typing for him. He wants to be on you. He is going to "destroy your vagina". Good luck and sorry if this woke you up!
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
Randomize
