He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
Randomize
