I'm lost and stupid without you.
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
you're surprised the chick that fucked you for a free cup has herpes. i don't feel bad for you.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
