Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
The most adult decision I've mad today was Jameson or Fireball? It's been a successful Day
not ubering you a puppy
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
