my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
at one point i was feeding a guy sour cream chips and he made me make the "choo choo" noise as they were going in. \ni feel so much closer to him now.\n
Apparently, his doctor was impressed with how well we took care of his leg. We're like the kings of naked triage.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I chatted up the pastor's son on Grindr during the service. Still ridiculing my decision to go to church this morning?
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
Randomize
