we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
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