I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Nothing says "This dudes gotta go" better than a boner on your back waking you @ 5 in the morning
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
Randomize
