Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Got caught up in a real life love triangle. Both guys wanted me. I'm tempted to just run off with the cute girl from McDonalds instead
Please do that
Randomize
