did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
