are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
At least you didnt end up topless in a Tina Turner wig singing cabaret tunes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
