Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
So about class tomorrow..... i,ll be there. But I may be still a bit drink and wearing a suit. I'll explain when I get there.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
