There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
