bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
they call him Oral-B. enough said
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I figured you were on something. You're way too happy right now to be sober
he's so sweet and its so cute. but I swear to fuck if I let my guard down and this was all a lie I am going to become a serial killer.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Randomize
