I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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