God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
just found a shoebox labled "emergency smoking box"... it has a lightbulb, 2 potatoes, a dried up flower, and a button that says "stop drop and roll". what did we do last night?!
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
My roommates just built a mini golf course upstairs while I was sleeping.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
You do realize it’s only a matter of time before I have a bad day and come home with an alpaca?
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
Randomize
