hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
I just had a 30 minute conversation about hummingbirds. That high.
I miss high conversations.
Swinging. Is. Amazing.
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Alright whatever you say... But in the future when you really wish you had a dildo don't come crying to me about it.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I've scurried myself in your trunk come find me in the morning
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
