I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
Wise words from the guy who drunkenly chipped his teeth on the sidewalk
Crosswalk actually
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
Yeah. I woke up in an awkward three way spoon with him and his sister. Tequila!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
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