Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
