If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Just found a note from Saturday that says "rainy soft hair".... Any ideas?
Its only 9:11 and I just somersaulted through a window. Its gonna be a good night
Today is the day I die from a hangover. I love you, mom. Farewell.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
I'm sorry I walked in on you guys, but all I heard from outside was her screaming "Dive, dive!". Sex was my last guess for what was going on in there.
Randomize
