Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I don't care if his family has ties to the mafia, you go over there, ride his dick until it breaks off, put his dick back on, and keep on riding. Lather, rinse, repeat.
Thanks for the support, sis.
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
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