all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
stoners and superglue do NOT mix
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
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