In regards to your tweet: as its been said on all of those posters on ffffound: keep calm and carry on
in the morning i found her name, number and address on one of the empty pizza boxes. also said "ps. if you find my shoes please mail to me."
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
Also- bikini mowing was a horrible idea. One truck just drove by 3 times, turning around at the end of the block each time. My tan may be better for it but my conscience has been raped.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
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