Can you return condoms to CVS?
Only if you return your pride as well.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
I may or may not of seen my high school physics teacher making out with my old high school boyfriend at the bar last night
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
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