no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
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