Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Randomize
