in retrospect, i probably shouldn't have referred to his dick as "travel size"
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
I don't remember much from my 21st, but my mom said I insisted on the fat guy taking body shots off me
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
I can't believe the MLB is making the NHL look good.
Randomize
