he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
everytime someone would look at you, you started to try and deep throat your beer bottle.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
It's a lightpost hitting you in the head. Of course it's going to hurt the day after.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Not bad. Ran into Carlo. He shared a story about a sailor who got gonorrhea in his eye. It made me feel better about myself.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
Randomize
