When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
She is two pictures of justin bieber away from being blocked from my news feed
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
you really dont want me to drink and drive. you saw what i did to my face and that was only from walking
do you remember when we thought we were both knocked up by the same guy like two days apart and would have half twins? Thats a best friend moment.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
Randomize
