Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
My cousin just asked what abortion is. Happy Holidays.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
How many other adults do you think have slept naked under the Winnie the Pooh blanket sober?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I am so sorry. Not sure for what, but whatever I did last night probably merits an apology, so I'm covering my bases.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
