community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He was going down on me and all I could think about was how proud of me you'd be
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
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