Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
There's a Taco Bell quesadilla in my shower caddy right now.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
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