imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
i'm growling thTa how much i wNn slwwwp.
save me some of whatever you're doing i'll be there in five.
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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