I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I told him if he went to see magic mike with me I'd cover his eyes during the penis parts
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
It's just a friend who is recently single and I'm going to heal his broken heart with my vagina
I told the border patrol officer she was smuggling drugs in her ass. I doubt she cheats on me again.
Randomize
