I discovered last night there is no graceful way to remove your face from your gf's crotch when your parents walk in the room
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
he's single and there are thong briefs.
Randomize
