I just accidently tagged myself in the picture of the 16 year olds spreading their legs in bikinis. Failure.
as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Quick question: how do I take a nice picture of my ass? I'm asking you because I figure with an ass like yours you're probably experienced.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
