i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
Tequila should only be paired with the finest of dick
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