The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Note to self. Never fart in a tanning bed
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
All his texts have the signature of a date with a smile. I asked him what it means. IT'S THE DAY HE QUIT DOING DRUGS
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
Yeah, I'm just gonna try to repress that and remember him for his big dick and perfect jawline.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
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