I think I am morally bankrupt
This martini tastes like the bartender stirred it with his foreskin.
in the middle of it he kept shouting: im going to be masturbating to this for the rest of my life
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
As I was brushing his cum out of my hair he looks at me and says "it happens to me all the time."
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Is a 'Dr. Willy Fister Gynecologist' costume appropriate for work?
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
I’ve jerked off three times and taken five shits already today. Being hung over in your 40’s is a fucking roller coaster.
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