ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
I just saw someone EAT a flashcard out of frustration. Finals suck.
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
So I got offered a job this morning based on being a "good role model for girls" and I am drunk at 330 in the afternoon in "celebration." sometimes, life is insane. But not so bad.
Not to be gross and awkward, but I just had sex outside in the rain on the hood of a lexus
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
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