I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
