Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think he's an actor
That's not a good enough reason to wear guy-liner
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
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