I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I couldn't think of the word "bath" so instead I told him I was marinating in soapy water
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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