i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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