He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Our suitemates are shrooming again. I left a less colorful dress hanging on the door, change before you come in because purple is making Maeve cry.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
