Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We need to rekindle our bromance
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
I'm not saying Tijuana was a bad idea, I'm saying that we make poor life choices. And Steve was robbed by the police.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
And then I told him since the day he walked away to get over what I went through he lost the boyfriend right to ask why my bed is broken.
I take full pride in being the one that broke ur bed. Want to go for the sofa?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
