I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
Randomize
