i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I don't call you at 3 in the morning to start a fucking relationship.
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
This santa hat i wore to the bar, served it's dual purpose as a vomit bag.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
And with one simple text you can separate the men from the boys...."it's that time of the month."
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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