6:33 AM: I'm drunk at this time of morning.
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
spring break forecast: sunny with a chance of shitshow
This is a mass text: my birthday is tomorrow, and I want a full day of birthday sex. Send me your availabities. Time slots begin at noon
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
Pretty sure that I got the MVP of wedding reception... woke up on the bench in the hallway of a hotel and we did NOT start the night there.
Im having a st. Get way fucked till i speak Irish pre game party. Bring a compass cause we are about to get lost
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Lol yeah. Because I just woke him up to blow him for being hot.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Should I be worried if two ants just crawled out of my purse?
Yes!
Randomize
