I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
Autocorrect changes "sex" to "sec". I have been so long without it my phone thinks I made a mistake.
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize
