i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
There was blood everywhere. She was pretty good looking person though.
You need to come over. I cant get her to stop eating honey mustard straight from the squeeze bottle
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
