the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize