saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
one two three fourrrrnication!
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
We're eating jello shots in the library. I love the day after Valentine's
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
