I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Hah no, But it might feel like water boarding to my soul
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
