I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh�
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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