It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
Randomize
