i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
It's like the blind leading the senile over here.
UPDATE: shit just got real- grandma is threatening to beat grandpa with a wooden spoon covered in chili.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
$1 drinks and Playboy theme. I am never leaving this place
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
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