I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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