Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Check the mailbox while you're out!
I already looked this morning. You go check and see what you won on Ebay after your day drinking spree.
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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