ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
I do wanna see you. And we can just lay here and watch a movie and listen to me cry.
you passed out while setting up your phones timer to time how long it would take before you to passed out.
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
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