True but thats because hes a fetus.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
We shall study the pictures later and see if his penis is worth my time.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
