i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
If you hear screaming in the middle of the night, bat got loose. Call poison control immediately and explain rabies
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
